Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (Movie Review-TBR October 23, 2009)

Rating: 3.5/5

Age R: PG-13

Release Date: October 23, 2009

Synopsis:
A boy unknowingly breaks a 200-year-old truce between two warring factions of vampires. Pulled into a fantastic life of misunderstood sideshow freaks and grotesque creatures of the night, one teen will vanish from the safety of a boring existence and fulfill his destiny in a place drawn from nightmares. 14-year-old Darren was like most kids in his suburban neighborhood. He hung out with his best friend, got decent grades and usually stayed out of trouble. But when he and his buddy stumble upon a traveling freak show, things begin to change inside Darren. That's the exact moment when a vampire named Larten Crepsley turns him into something, well, bloodthirsty.

Actors/Actresses:

Vampires

• John C. Reilly as Larten Crepsley
• Chris Massoglia as Darren Shan^[3]
• Willem Dafoe as Gavner Purl^[4] <---I know!!! I was totally surprised he's in it!!! Love him in my favorite movie The Boondock Saints!! Can't wait for the sequel ahhhh!!!
  

Vampaneze

• Josh Hutcherson as Steve "Leopard" Leonard
• Ray Stevenson as Murlough^[5][6][7]
• Brandon Molale as Vampaneze

Humans

• Morgan Saylor as Annie Shan
• Stephen McManus as Dermot Shan
• Christy Hutcherson as Mrs. Leonard

Cirque du Freak members

• Salma Hayek as Madame Truska
• Orlando Jones as Alexander Ribs
• Ken Watanabe as Hibernius Tall
• Jane Krakowski as Corma Limbs^[5]
• Patrick Fugit as Evra Von^[5] <---- Yes the awesome guy from Wristcutter's: A Love Story!!
  
• Jessica Carlson as Rebecca (Not to be confused with "Debbie Hemlock", Darren's love interest in the novels.)
• Kristen Schaal as Gertha Teeth
• Frankie Faison as Rhamus Twobellies
• Jonathan Nosan as Hans Hands
• Tom Woodruff, Jr. as Wolfman
• Wayne Douglas Morgan as Merman
• Blake Nelson Boyd as Mr. Afraid of the Ground Man.
• Sam Medina and Gino Galento as Madame Truska's men
• Natasha Angelety as Cirque Freak
• Michael Dean Baker as Mr. Piercing
• Nokomis Callender as Cirque Freak
• Rose Lamarche as Cirque Freak
• Stefanie Oxmann McGaha as Cirque Freak
• J. J. Standing III as Cirque "Heavy"

Unknown species

• Michael Cerveris as Desmond Tiny (Mr. Tiny), Evanna, Mr. Tall

-thanks wikipedia

Thoughts:
It's a fun and entertaining movie. It had quite a number of funny moments (look for my favorite scene below). Worth paying for ticket, especially if you don't care for a strong performance or story. The screenplay, which the author of the books the movie is based on wasn't involved with, could have been so much better and so could the chemistry between pretty much all the characters. The protagonist mostly just seemed flat and unfeeling! I couldn't get over that. It all wasn't that real for me. Those actors need a few more lessons. That might not bother some people though. I really, really wish the story was better, I mean it had potential. The movie was just short and fast. Not fast paced per se, but everything happened quickly and not in a good way. It just jumped from point A to C and skimmed right through B. Didn't like that at all. Should have been longer and more action packed considering the circumstances. The story was just lame to me. I did kind of like the fight scenes though. They were okay. Could have been worse right?
If you're looking for a fun movie that will also make you laugh, go watch it. If you are very artsy and/or care a lot about having a great story with amazing acting, this movie is not for you or maybe you might just want tot wait to rent it.

Favorite scene *POSSIBLE SPOILERS*:
My favorite scene was where Darren and Larten (John C. Reilly) are talking about getting ready to turn Darren into a vamp at Darren's house. They're on the second floor outside his window and after Darren takes a drink of a numbing concoction Larten, while pointing to the night sky, says something like "Hey, uh, is that the big dipper or the little dipper? Sometimes I get them confused." As Darren turns around, Larten immediately reaches over, grabs Darren's neck, and breaks it, all in just seconds! It's so funny! He says "Sorry about that" even though Darren can't hear. Then says, "I'm also sorry for what I'm about to do next." He proceeds to through Darren off the roof in order to make it seem "real."

**end of possible spoilers**

Totally hilarious!

Favorite character:
Awww I LOOOOVED this little creature that appears. He's the one that bites people. hehe It's so cute! I really loved how it wanted Darren to hold its hand then it made this sad pouty face when Darren said no. hehe Adorable! But he did kinda scare me a bit when he bit people.

Soundtrack:
Right now I only know the song Asleep from Day by The Chemical Brothers (featuring Mazzy Star)

I'll update with more as soon as I know

Trailer:



YOU WILL ENJOY WATCHING THIS MOVIE IF YOU LIKE/ARE INTERESTED IN:
-vampires
-fun movies
-entertaining movies
-funny/humor
-not strong writing or acting
-Darren Shan's Cirque du Freak series